Ryan has always had a very real fear of being in front of people. Even through the early years of elementary school, he wouldn't participate in any kind of show and tell, sharing day, or anything that would put him in the front of the class in any way--including celebrating his birthday. In Primary, even saying the prayer would enfold him in a state of panic. His natural personality is to be very shy, and putting himself center stage was very difficult.
Now that he's in middle school, he's had to face that fear head on--giving presentations in class is just part of life now, and will be for years to come. We've taught him that it's an important and vital skill to have--through school and on to his career, he will need to be able to get in front of people in some form or another. I've watched him stretch himself, and face challenges that even a year ago would not have happened.
A few weeks ago, he was asked to give a talk in church, and the mere thought of it brought sheer terror. Speaking in front of 200+ people is scary for just about anyone, but for Ryan that fear is extremely intensified. It's also very different than getting up in front of a school class of 20 people--this was the ultimate challenge. The person who asked him is a very close family friend, and he encouraged Ryan, and helped him to understand that he could do it--even though it would be difficult. His support and encouragement made a huge difference, and Ryan agreed to do it. I knew he could do it.
He prepared well--we worked on the talk together, and I typed while he told me what he wanted to say. We looked up quotes, and he chose the ones he wanted to use and felt he should share. It was a really good experience for us, and I enjoyed working with him on it.
The big day arrived, and I could tell that inside he was incredibly nervous. When he walked up to the stand, he was ghostly white, and his hands were clenched so tight I wondered if they might stay like that forever. The thought actually went through my head that he might pass out, and I honestly would not have been surprised if he had. But he didn't. He did SO well. He got up to the podium, looked straight out to the congregation, and greeted them. Then he looked down at his talk, and read it straight through. He was talking really fast, but I could still understand him, and I knew at that point he was just trying to maintain his composure and finish.
He closed his talk, and came down to sit by me. Emotion came over him, and over me, and I all I could think was how proud I was of him, and how much I loved him. It was incredibly HARD, and he did it. I was grateful to all the many people who stopped him in the hallway and told him what a great job he did--and I know that he appreciated it too.
As a mother, your natural instinct is to protect your child--from anything that's going to hurt. Just like that momma bird, who pushes her child out of the nest so he can fly, we face a time when we must do the same thing. This was that moment for me---watching him face something that has been so hard for him for so long was difficult, but I knew that him facing it, and conquering it, would help him to fly.
