{curveball}

Four years ago, Ryan's life, and the life of our family ceased to exist as we then knew it. This time of year is a landmark for us, and it always causes me to reflect on just how far we've come.

.....

Ryan, kindergarten

We were in St. George, UT, where Rick was running the St. George Marathon, and we were visiting friends and family. Ryan had just turned 6 years old the week before, and we were also celebrating his birthday with family while we were there. During the trip, I noticed that he was extra hungry that week--we would eat dinner, and 15 minutes later he would be asking for more food. I explained that away by all the activity, and the excitement of being on vacation. He was also really thirsty, but since we were in the hot desert, I figured it went with the territory. When he had to go the bathroom frequently, I associated that with all the water he was drinking.

When we got home though, those symptoms didn't subside. One particular day though, stands out so clearly. It was a Monday, and I had taken him with me to Joann Fabrics. We were there for a couple of hours, and during that time, he had to use the bathroom 7 times. Right then and there I knew something was not right, and I couldn't explain it away. That evening I called one of our best friends, who also happened to be Ryan's doctor. He made some room in his schedule the next day for us to come in, but during the course of our conversation, and the questions he asked, he told me he was almost positive what the diagnosis would be.

We showed up at the office, and after a blood glucose test, he informed me that Ryan was a Type 1 diabetic--that his pancreas has shut down and was no longer functioning, and that he would now be insulin dependent. I tried to be very strong, and not show my emotions--the ones that were quickly coming to the surface. I didn't want Ryan to see that I was scared for him, and that I already could see how his life was going to change.

I called Rick when we left the office, and of course, he was out-of-town on business. He immediately spoke to his boss, and got permission to come home. He left on a flight the next morning, and came home as quickly as he could. Meanwhile, the next day, Ryan and I went to the diabetes clinic. We met with an amazing nurse, who walked me through a very overwhelming scenario. I found myself thrust into a life of needles and medication, and faced with the daunting task of giving my 6 year old shots up to 6 times a day. I knew Ryan was so scared, and really had no concept of what was happening. I just wanted to hold him close, and let him know everything would be okay. I will never forget that first visit--the first time I had to give him a shot, right there with the nurse making sure I was doing it right, and with Ryan crying. I was crying too, even though I had promised myself I would try and stay strong. Even though I had had the nurse give me a shot first, to demonstrate how it might look and feel, he was shaking. Finally, we made it through, and we went on to meet with the dietitian. I received a quick tutorial on counting carbohydrates, and reviewed a sliding scale that would dictate how much insulin Ryan would need--both short-acting and long-acting. After 2 hours, we were on our own.

Wednesday, the day after our visit to the clinic, Ryan's blood sugar kept spiking. After numerous calls to the doctor, and injections of insulin, I couldn't get it to come down. Finally, I needed to take him to the ER. As I was backing out of the driveway, Rick started driving in. He was home, and I had never been so happy to see him. When we got to the hospital, they immediately went into action, and they were able to get him back down to where he should be. We were very lucky, and Ryan didn't end up having to stay in the hospital at all, and we were were able to take him home that night.

Gradually, our life adjusted to a "new normal". At home, we were quickly learning how many carbohydrates were int he foods we ate, and within a few weeks I could quote just about any food around! We discovered the best places to give an injection, and which angle hurt the least. In the beginning, every time Ryan took his blood sugar (a poke in the forearm or finger), he had to put a band-aid on it. Well, since we were doing this 6-8 times a day, you can imagine what his arms looked like! After hearing about that, one sweet family showed up at our door with a lifetime supply of band-aids, with all the fun characters all over them. It was gestures like this, by friends and family, that strengthened all of us, and kept us going through those first really tough weeks. Gradually we fell into a routine of shots, taking his blood sugar, and treating him for any highs or lows that occurred, and counting carbs. We dealt with birthday parties and play dates, all the while trying to maintain as normal of an existence as possible.

Ryan was also just a few weeks into kindergarten, and there was a lot to be done in order for him to go back to school. Teachers, staff, administration, and a para pro were all trained, a 504 plan created and implemented, and in general, things became more scheduled. Overnight I was on a first name basis with the principal, gym teacher, counselor, and secretary, and each of them played an integral part in the smooth transition that took place. His cute teacher wrote down in his special notebook every single thing he ate while at school, and I always smiled when I read "9 M&M's", or "55 goldfish". Other parents were so thoughtful and kind, and it showed in the type of snacks they brought to class. Room mothers brought sugar-free candy to parties, and all of this was done without putting Ryan in the spotlight or making him feel uncomfortable. I will always be so grateful to all the wonderful people that made a difficult situation much easier--they showed true compassion.

The real hero in this story? Ryan. We're talking about a child who was scared to get his hair cut--a child that would shake at the very mention of a shot during a well-child visit. His aversion to needles was deep, and when I first realized what this diagnosis meant for him, I was terrified. But he was incredibly blessed, and I believe a miracle occurred. After the first week, he was an old pro. He took everything in stride, never complained, and did everything that was asked of him. He learned how to take his own blood sugar that first year, and is now giving himself insulin with supervision. He learned addition and multiplication while calculating carbohydrates and insulin dosages, and learned how to read by looking at food labels. Less than a year later, he was able to go on an insulin pump, which has been fantastic. He is constantly an example to me, and I am so amazed by his strength and tenacity. Just yesterday I received a note from his teacher that complimented Ryan, and the way that he handled himself at school. He is such a wonderful boy, and I feel very lucky to be his mother.

Sure, the road hasn't always been smooth, and we have surely hit bumps along the way. But thanks to a very loving Father in Heaven, wonderful friends and family, kind teachers and parents, and each other, we are making it through, and we are each stronger for it.